he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
