I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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