She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
