God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
