I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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