Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
