I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
