it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize