She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize