My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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