I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
