My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize