hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
