Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
