you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
