I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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