I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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