When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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