He disabled his match.com account in front of me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
