think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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