Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
