this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
