low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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