My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
