I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
