Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
