i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
