omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
too bad you live with your parents still
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
