trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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