Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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