Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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