Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize