Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
