I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
