I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pooping to opera.
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