She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
