That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
