whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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