My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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