I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
