omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
