i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
try to milk me bitch
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