This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
