I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
