whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
