the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
