I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
3pm strippers are depressing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
