i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
