hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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