Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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