so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
