nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
