I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
