Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
