When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
