we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
