Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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