I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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