he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
