The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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