Ketchup is God's man juice
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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