I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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