marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
