I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
