You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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