We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
