was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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