we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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