Duck Duck Cougar?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
