On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
