Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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