He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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