was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
