Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
