You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
