I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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