and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
