Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
