if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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