I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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