1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
